I can only watch.....

Watching the stupidity of others sometimes brings joy to my life
but when it comes down to the stupidity causing pain, it no longer amuses me.
The last couple of years I have watched my sister stupidly fall in and out of
love with a boy that had threatened to rape me when four years ago. Watching her
try to help...and fail just made me uneasy. I admired her for trying to help him, but
after a certain point, i came to the conclusion, she wasn't helping, how she shouldn't have ever
gotten involved. I tried telling her how i felt, but she would scream at me saying how i didn't know anything.
When the truth is, she is the one who knew nothing. Days when she got off the phone, crying
all i wanted to do was scream at her telling her how stupid she was to get involed and
how i "told her so." Everytime she came home with a story, i listened, silent, thinking to myself
how her blindess of this person got her in that situation. By now, he has cheated on her,
lied continiously, and broken her heart numbers of times, only to come back and somehow
trick her back into him. Everytime she was hurt, she said she wouldn't take him back, but i would catch her
sending emails, keeping in touch and making amends with this monster.
Eventually she would become obsessed saying how. "He is drifting away, i think he is getting depressed again"
I just sit and ignore it, not saying anything, but inside i want to tell her. "Let the worthless SOB mess up his already
fucked up life" This person needs help, he has been this way for a long time, and the
help cannot come from my sister, its just not how it should be.
My friend said he had tried to touch her in the pool and she ran away crying. He is one messed up kid and many will agree with me.
HE NEEDS MEDICATION! He tells girls how he was adopted and how his little sister died. By saying that
he gets sympathy. Sure, he had a bad life, but he can make good choices to improve the rest of his life.
He said he tried to kill himself four years ago, right after I got out of the picture, saying how his life was terrible and
he went into a depression after his concusion. He says it was for attention like most suicide attempts.
Sometimes i sit and think he screwed up my sisters life. He was gothic and she got into it and began to dress
in all black right after they started dating. Then after they broke up, i believe in attempts to win him back"
it got worse. She got into witch and wizadry things. I tried to stop her, but once again she would explode
and tell me and all other christians weren't "open-minded".
I worried a lot about my sisters saftey. One time when she went out on a drive with him
i sat on the couch in silence worrying that Lynde wouldn't come back and the police would find
her in a ditch, brutally rapped and murdered.
Maybe i am worrying to much about this guy when it comes to thinking he will rape her, but i do know he is mentally unstable and needs help.
Thank you for listening

ahh...anger...

I am sitting here, on msn, being pressured into flashing some guy on msn. I yell at him, tell him to fuck off and block him. ...my sister is being a dumb ass and all depressed over a guy that she should have forgotten about...a guy in which she shouldnt even be fucking with cuz he is just an asshole...considering he had cheated on her and dumped her because he is mentally unstable and depressed ...PLUS i didnt get to go to a friends house because my sister was on the phone with the guy i told you about....now my other sister is being annoying........my computer isnt working, and im bored as hell...


there you have it...the life of nikki swank...please excuse me as i bang my head continually against the table until i am numbed of all pain

Good Day

Fave book I Read This Summer

Finders Keepers:
Rating: only book i've read this summer/10
Fans of romantic science fiction will enjoy this book. When first looking at it, it kind of reminded me of Star Wars (loquacious droids, empires at war, etc.), it is to a degree, but the story line develops its own gravity due to the potent lead couple.

I rarely read Sci-Fi space operas because they are more technical than I find palatable, but, Finders Keepers had enough comedy, action, passion & clashing cultures to keep me reading it.

Probably too much romance for hardcore Sci-Fi-ers, although it will surely draw women readers,

(Today i started reading "Antartica" by Kim Stanley Robinson {award-winning author of the Mars Trilogy})

The last 48 hours

The last two days have been crazy for me.
Friday, I had my doctors appointment, followed right after by football practice, then followed by the lock in. I didn't get any sleep whatsoever, but I got crisco all over me, my eye hit with a duct tape ball...TWICE....then, I was tickled, poked, and kicked, but all of this felt better when I got a piggy back ride and three hugs. ^_^ It was fun, we played a bunch of games while it was pitch black and we scared the shit out of eachother. Around 4 in the morning we had a strobe light and techno music and we screwed around with that. It all started to die down in the morning and we ended up all leaving at 7. I went home and changed, then had to head off to get football pictures taken. That took forever and I wasn't back until around ten. Then, I couldn't get to sleep for some reason, so i took a caffeine pill and after taking a shower and getting ready, i went to Forest's house. That was really fun although i was the only girl. We watched saw and airplane and then sat upstairs and listened to music before we left and walked uptown to watch a concert at the memorial hall. It wasn't my type of music, Alec took off his pants, and the feedback killed my ears but yeah, I got to see Dustin Lopez and Steven play, so it was pretty cool. It was crazy.

Goodbye my friends!