Welcome...to my mind

Ah, yes. Another breakdown in the life of Nikki.
Last night, I wasted 5 dollars on a forte show. (now i'm out of cash because I wasted it on a horrible movie and then this) I just went to the forte show to hang out with friends and see some of my friends perform in co-ed, but my friends were paying attention to eachother, another to her boyfriend, and were was I. By myself. I had nobody to talk to. This made the experience even worse, along with the extreme boredom, obnoxious little kids, and an extreme case of momentary clausterphobia. This led to me snapping at my friends. This of course made me feel guilty, but they still were talking to others, so no chance to apologize. So, I let it be. Then, with another happening, an added dose of embarassment and guilt made it far worse. I felt horrible. I didn't show it. Then my mind was racing again. The mind that I can't shut off. One that derives me of sleep far too often. I've heard the point
"You think too much"
pointed out to me far more than once. It means different things from different people, but after hearing it so much I realized I need to settle down, but I can't seem to find out how. After two years of it. Music calms me, but gets me thinking more. I can't sketch when i'm in a mood like this. I'm too tired to go outside and take photography. Sleeping would help, if i could get to sleep. The only cure is fun. This is hard when you can't get yourself off your ass long enough to pick up the phone, or in my case are locked in your house.
Then.
With all these hitting me at once.
I hit the cracking point.
I just cried.
Went to bed, and just sort of passed out.
and I had a dream. Where all my friends came up to me and gave me a big hug, and the last hug was really long and made me feel the best. It was a good dream.

The next morning, I threw on the Ditty Bops. Danced while I dressed and was very uplifted and happy. but...Then... after about three hours of a super morning. I got bored, so I started thinking again.
Rewind. Replay. Here it comes again.
I feel so weak and pathetic when I cry, but it helps me sleep.
So tonight.
I'll take a shower.
and maybe cry myself to sleep.
I'll let fate handle that.
and tommorow.
I need hugs.

Which reminds me...
Ten more days of school left until spring break, where I will recieve some much needed freedom. Yet, this year, it will be with family, not friends. I am almost seriously considering changing my mind and just forget about Florida, but i'm going to see the ocean. As much as i want to be with my friends all week.
But yeah, I'll talk to you about this later.
I'm going to bed.
Goodnight.
*much love*